Nature is in a state of change

One of my Facebook friends posted something that really struck home with me. She said:

"Here's to making 2014 the year we spend outside!"

I couldn't agree more. I've said many times that our youth are losing touch with Nature. They don't get it.... It's not digital and they have to physically move to get there. Granted not all feel that way, but I think it's a higher number than we think. 

I've tried to instill the love of nature in my kids and with those Young Women in our stake in my callings.  I hope I've made a difference.  I love the outdoors. It's an amazing place, whether it's your backyard or out in the middle of nowhere.  Let's get out and take it all in!

The whole reason for my ramblings today?.....because I heard this on Music and the Spoken Word at lunch and thought I would share:

Few things invite reflection like a walk in the woods or a night under the stars.  In these natural settings, we reflect on our origin, our purpose, and our connection with all of creation.  We feel closer to the Divine.  And, like the Psalmist, we rejoice:  “The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handy work” (Psalm 19:1).

But then we go back to our homes, offices, and cars—so airtight and climate controlled that we might shut out the sound of a bird, the ripple of a brook, or the mountain breeze.  Or worse yet, maybe we’re so preoccupied with work and things that when we go outside we no longer notice the dew on the grass, the smell of the lilacs, or hear the song of a meadowlark.

Ralph Waldo Emerson believed that even in city streets, nature’s wonders can be appreciated.  He urged all who would be refreshed to pause and appreciate nature’s gifts, wherever they might be found, and cautioned against taking natural wonders for granted.  Emerson wrote:  “If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore; and preserve for many generations the remembrance of the city of God which had been shown!  But every night come out these envoys of beauty, and light the universe with their admonishing smile.”

Each night, each day, has its own offering of beauty.  No matter how many times we’ve seen the stars light up the sky, or the sun settle into the ocean, or felt the wind against our cheeks, or smelled the rain awaken a sun-parched world, we still can be awe inspired. 

Nature is in a state of change; one day—or night—is never just like the next.  And neither are the people who inhabit it.  So before the moment passes, step outside, take a few deep breaths, and let your thoughts turn heavenward.  Watch for the spark of divinity in the world and in the people who surround you.  See them for the “envoys of beauty” they are, and come to know the Creator of heaven and earth.  ( Program #3865  Music and the Spoken Word)

I am not defective!

I've always found that those Sunday mornings when I'm too tired and don't really want to go to church, those are the days that I need to go most. This morning was one such morning.
I woke up with my eyes burning and just plain exhausted, mentally and physically. It would have been so easy to just stay in bed and sleep but I got up. We were about 5 minutes late for church but I made it!

For Sunday school our bishopric prepared a beautiful lesson on adversity and how to deal with it. I felt that it was just for me. I needed to hear this. I needed this boost. Let me explain....

Last night I had been looking at the website the doctor gave me on Functional Neurological Disorders (fndhope.org) and began to feel so sorry for myself. I felt like I was some psycho mess and that everthing I've been going through lately was all in my head. It was so discouraging.  I told Wayne I was sorry I was defective and just cried. He held me and said,  "Oh no, you're not defective. Not even close!" Then he asked me if I thought his mom was defective because she had only one arm. I whole heartedly said No! She is one of the most amazing people I have ever met and an inspiration to me! Then Wayne told me that God puts big hills in front of those He thinks can overcome them. I told him that I supposed that was true, but I was really hoping that God thought I was a wimp. :)  Wayne always knows how to make me smile and look at things from a different angle.

Back to Sunday school... they shared a video of a lady who had been burned on over 90% of her body due to a plane crash. She survived and had struggled with depression and pain, but she overcame her trial. It's on youtube, but here's the link.  My new life  I highly recommend it.
What an amazing story of inspiration!  I felt that I really had no room for complaint after watching that. I can only hope that I can be as resilient. 

In Relief society we discussed one of the conference talks from October by Jeffery R. Holland.  I love that guy. It was about the same topic. In fact, he mentioned that woman from that video. He spoke on How do you best respond when mental or emotional challenges confront you or those you love? I remembered this talk and just loved it. Hearing it again has helped me so much.  It hit very close to home.

Like a broken vessel by Jeffery R Holland

Let me share a few quotes from that talk that touched me and why.

"Though we may feel we are “like a broken vessel,” as the Psalmist says, we must remember, that vessel is in the hands of the divine potter. Broken minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed.  "

I felt I was defective in some way and I still do a little, but hearing that helps me to realize that I am going through a refining process. I'm not done yet. I am in my maker's hands and when He is done molding me I will be a magnificent and  beautiful piece of art.  We must go through the fire to become what we were meant to be.

"We are infinitely more than our limitations or afflictions."
Our teacher in Relief society held up a banana that was covered with Brown spots and looked a little rough. She said her kids look at bananas like that one and say I'm not eating that it looks terrible.  But when she unpeeled it, it was in perfect condition. A sweet, ripe and tasty treat. We can't judge others or ourselves by what we look like or lack. I need to keep that in mind more.

"So how do you best respond when mental or emotional challenges confront you or those you love? Above all, never lose faith in your Father in Heaven, who loves you more than you can comprehend.....“That love never changes. … It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve [it]. It is simply always there.” 

I think sometimes I forget this most important fact. That is why I go to church every Sunday, because I need to be reminded.  :)

"Believe in miracles." 
I do :) 

 "Hope is never lost. If those miracles do not come soon or fully or seemingly at all, remember the Savior’s own anguished example: if the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead."
We must be strong and know that He is with us, always.

"Patiently enduring some things is part of our mortal education."
This goes back to the refiners fire I talked about. I just need to be patient. Rome wasn't built in a day.... But sometimes it is hard to patiently endure. So I take deep breaths.....lots of deep breaths.

I'm glad I dragged myself out of bed this morning.  I needed these reminders. I needed to hear the things that were shared today. How thankful I am for my faith and my Savior.  I know He lives and hears my prayers. I know He is with me always. I'm so glad I have Wayne in my life to help me through this and to remind me that I am stronger than I think I am.  I'm a lucky wife and mother. :)

Belated Christmas gift for me!

Had an interesting day today. We had planned to go to Hardware Ranch with some old friends of ours this afternoon. Joe had practice this morning. Practice ran about an hour longer than we expected which made us that much later to meet our friends.  Just as we were to leaving the phone rings. It showed up as a 800 #. I didn't answer it thinking it was some salesman of sorts. About 3 minutes after that my cell starts to ring with an 800 #. Wayne answered it and they asked for me. It was the movement disorder clinic in SLC. they had a cancellation with one of their doctors at 4:30 today and wondered if I could come.  This was at 12:45. It is a three hour drive to SLC from our house,so this was perfect.
I felt horrible because we had plans with friends and we were already an hour behind schedule., but we couldn't pass up this opportunity. I told the guy yes we'd be there. Wayne called our friends back and told them our plans had changed. :)  Putter told Wayne you better go to that appt! So we did. We had 20 minutes to gather our stuff and head south.
I know that Heavenly Father is looking out for me....had we left when we were supposed to we would have been in the canyon and not received that call. Things happen for a reason, I have no doubt of that.
We made it to our appointment right on time. On our way down our friends texted us to say that Hardware Ranch was closed today. That made us laugh. Saved us a trip but it would have been nice to see our friends.
You know how you psych yourself up for something and then it finally comes and you're not really sure if you're ready for it? That was how I felt. We'd been waiting for two months for this and it was finally here. Now I just hoped that they had some answers and did I really want to hear the answers they had...
We were in with the two doctors for two hours. I got thumped with hammers to test my reflexes in more places than I thought possible. They concluded that I don't have dopa-responsive dystonia because one, the meds I was taking were only somewhat helping, two it developed too quickly and three my movements weren't really centralized, I.e. One part of my body. So, what they think it is is something called a functional neurological disorder. Basically that is something that causes dystonic movements but is not genetic or biological or some such thing. He wants to do another blood test to check one more thing and he also will refer me to the National Institute of Health in Bethesda , Maryland. I would be taking part of a clinical study there to help figure out "why". They have some sort of new MRI that detects the neurological functions of the brain. They are also testing for autoimmune disorders that cause neurological issues. Sounded interesting.... So they are going to call me sometime and get that figured out. Never been to Maryland so this will be fun. I only hope they  allow Wayne to come with me to be my Jeeves. :)
The clinical study is part of some govt grant so it should all be covered (travel expenses, etc). I'm  sure I'll find out more as they get in contact with me.
I guess those are answers, but they sure have left me with more questions. The doctor also wants me to wean off my levodopa and then stop taking it. They don't want me on it if I am to participate in this study. The weaning off now will let me know if I can function with out it. so I guess we'll see what happens.
All in all I'm glad I got in. Figure Heavenly Father's in charge and knows what lies ahead for me. I will just continue forward in faith like the pioneers of old and trust in this path I am to take. I know He is aware of me and what I am going through. He has given me what I need and a wonderful eternal companion to help me through and keep me smiling. Come what may and love it! :)

Christmas 2013

December 23, 2013

Yeah, it's two days before Christmas and I'm just getting to my annual Christmas letter. It's been kind of a crazy couple months. I hope that this letter finds you in good spirits and that all is well with you and your families. Christmas is a wonderful time of year for reflection and helps us realize what is most important in our lives. Well, here's a recap of what's been going on in ours…

Wayne and I are right in the thick of being parents of teenagers. Seems like we're going, they're going… someone is always going somewhere! Half the time I wonder if we really know where we're going?

Joe turned 16 last March and is screaming up on 17 real quick. He's a junior this year. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. I have to admit I love this age. Yeah, there are times we can't get a word out of Joe even if we pulled is toenails, but when he does talk to us, it's so enjoyable. He's got such a great sense of humor and Wayne and I are so proud of him. He grew up a lot this past summer. He was on a camp crew with the Forest Service traveling from fire to fire. He spent a lot of time in Colorado and met a lot of great folks. I'll admit, I was a bit nervous letting a 16 year old go across country for 2 weeks without his parents. I knew he was in good hands though. He worked hard helping set up and take down fire camps. He became quite skilled in the art of running a pallet jack. Needless to say he had a blast and looks forward to doing it again. With the way this winter is panning out so far, it looks as though we might have another big fire year.

Joe thought he'd try out Cross Country this year for school. He did it when he was in 6th grade but wasn't too impressed. He found that he quite enjoys it now and was pretty good at it too! He was so good that he ended up qualifying for State. In that race to qualify Joe dug deep and pulled it off. He came down with strep about two days before the race. He gave it all he had to qualify and he made it. Wayne and I were so proud of his drive and dedication. It was so amazing to watch him as he closed in on the finish line. It's a moment I won't soon forget. On average this year he has been running three miles in about 20 minutes. With all that running in the fall Joe made the JV basketball team this year. He's improved a lot over the summer playing with the "old guys" from the Forest Service. (Wayne qualifies in that group). I love watching him play. He can jump so high and can just about dunk it. He's been shooting about 85% at the line. It's impressive.

On to my Jesse-loo-hoo. She's 14 this year and started 9th grade over at the high school this fall. I'll admit I was worried, but she has just shined. She loves it. She's an "A" student and is working so hard. I wish she'd teach her brothers about tenacity and determination. Jesse was so excited to take the art classes offered at the high school. Her teacher has showed her so much. She's becoming quite the artist. I wish I could sneak over there and be one of the students. I'd love to take an art class again. Jesse made the freshman basketball team. We were very tickled about that. Jesse told us she was nervous she
wouldn't make it. Wayne told her, "Jesse, you can teach a girl to play basketball, but you can't teach them to be six feet." That is a true statement! Jesse isn't quite six foot yet, she's about an inch short, but still!! She's loves basketball so much. She can box out like no other. It's good, because I've noticed that in girls basketball they struggle with that concept!

This summer Jesse decided to cut her hair and donate it to Locks of Love.
Her hair was dang near as long as mine. She said she was ready for a change. She looks absolutely adorable! She loves it and is so glad she did it. She wasn't sure why she hadn't earlier. It makes her look taller (not sure that was really needed, haha!) and makes her eyes just shine. She's got these amazing eyelashes! Lucky girl!! Jesse inspired me so I cut mine too! :)

16 inch braids!

Jesse has been such a life saver this year. Wayne and I don't have to worry about much if we go away for a few days because Jesse kept right on top of things. She's going to be a great mom someday. So thankful for her and her sense of responsibility. Joe told me once that Jesse was more like his mom and
I was more like his sister. It was kind of humorous. :)

Now on to Justin. My little Turbo… This kid just keeps me in stitches. Justin has got such an uncanny wit. He always manages to make me laugh. My favorite part is that he's not at the stage where his mom embarrasses him yet. It's so nice! Justin is in 7th grade this year and turned 12 in May. I can't believe how much he's growing. He's almost 5' 10" now. It's official, I'm the shortest one in the family. Justin played
football again this year. He wasn't sure he was going to do it, but I'm glad he did. They didn't have enough 7th graders to make a team so he played up with the 8th graders. That wasn't a problem. He held
his own just fine. In fact, he out-sized many of the 8th graders. :) I am happy to report we didn’t have any broken noses or concussions this season. (He took care of that in February when he broke his nose for the 3rd time while downhill skiing.) Justin's team did very well. He played defensive tackle and nose guard on defense and tackle and guard on offense. One of these days I'll know what that means. I ask him every time and he just rolls his eyes and humors me. Such a good son. :)

Justin has been playing basketball since football ended in October. He was part of a city league. His team won the championship. Last week Justin and the rest of his team made the Middle School Basketball team. It will be fun to watch these kids and see how they do. And yes, that means all three of our kids are on school basketball teams this year. Wayne and I are in store for some serious bleacher bum between now and March. But you know what? I wouldn't miss this for the world. This is what it's all about. Watching and supporting your kids in all their endeavors. Watching them excel and watching them struggle, that's what parents do. We're there to help them and cheer them on. That's just what you do.

Our family was lucky enough to make another backpacking trip to the Wind Rivers with Monte, Emmett and Tom this year. We missed going last year so much! We stayed there for 7 days this time around. Our camp was in a little different place this year at Borum Lake. We had SUCH an amazing time. It is so beautiful up there! We hiked around a lot while we were there. We hiked on average about 7 - 10 miles a day to different lakes in the vicinity. Wayne figures we hiked over 80 miles the week we were there. We saw some beautiful country! We came across lakes that you thought would be full of fish but weren't and others that you swear nothing was in them but then you'd catch a 4 or 5 lb trout. One my favorite memories from that trip was when we spent two hours under a ledge during a thunderstorm. We were at 10,000ft at a lake right on the summit when this thunderstorm rolls in. There wasn't a whole lot of anything up there for cover. I found a little grove of trees next to a rock but that proved to be insufficient. Not all of us could fit under the space blanket. :) So Wayne and Jesse decide to brave the rain, sleet and lightening to find a better spot. They came back about 5 or 10 minutes later to get us. Wayne found a "cave", more or less just a rock outcropping with an overhang just barely big enough for the five of us to hide under. Justin crawled in first and laid flat across the back. Joe and Jesse were next and then me. Wayne laid along the outside with the space blanket to "protect" us. We were crammed in their like sardines as the rain, hail, sleet and lightening came down.

Despite the cramped quarters we had a great time. Justin was laying on his stomach whittling to pass the time. After awhile one of the kids would rip one and we'd all moan in agony and laugh because we couldn't go anywhere. It was so funny listening to the wails as one of the kids would fart and then another one would and we'd all groan. It was just nasty, but yet we laughed on. It was definitely a bonding moment for our family. When we finally rolled out of the "fart cave" poor Justin's belly button was chuck full of dirt and pine needles from laying on the ground. Of course, we laughed some more. You can't buy memories like that. Those moments are priceless!

We said good-bye to David in June this year. He finally succumbed after his yearlong battle with a brain tumor at the age of 62. He was surrounded by most of his grandkids, Wayne, mom, Jenny and myself. You can't ask for anything better than that. It was a very special time. I miss the heck out of him. I am so thankful for the time I was able to spend with him and mom in those weeks before his passing. We had a lot of laughs and shared some tender moments. He was a great father and I thank him for sharing his time with me and helping me to become the woman I am today. He wanted to be cremated so we dressed him up in his back-country ski duds….wool socks, shorts, and a thermal shirt. It made me smile. I know he's up there in Heaven doing some sweet telemark turns in the powder.

We also said good-bye to Wayne's grandpa this fall. He was a special guy who will be dearly missed. One of the first memories I have of dating Wayne was when I walked down to Grandpa Bodrero's Christmas tree parking lot in downtown Logan. He always had a smile on his face and could fix just about anything. Wayne told Grandma all he wanted of Grandpa's was one of his tools with his name engraved on it. It's a special treasure to him. He was a very dear sweet man and he will be missed.

You know how things seem to go along in a day to day routine, albeit a fast routine, but then you're blind-sided with a new challenge? That's what has happened to our family as of late. The first of November I had a migraine then began to have seizures for no apparent reason. I knew I was doing them but had no control. It scared the heck out of Wayne. It scared me too! After numerous blood tests, a spinal tap, CATScan, and a MRI we know what I don't have…brain tumors, blood clots, strep infections, West Nile, etc. But unfortunately, we don't really have any real answers. The neurologist seems to think I've got dopa-responsive dystonia. Dystonia is a blanket name for uncontrolled movements, like those associated with Parkinsons, an eye twitch, writer's cramp, stuff like that. In my case it's not just one area it's my whole body. I'm on some meds that seem to help me not be such a spaz (now I have an excuse). It's been a challenge for our family as one of the main drivers has been removed. Didn't think it would be too safe for me to drive and all of a sudden be hit with a twitching session while I curve into a C shape and slam my eyes closed while pulling some dandy faces. Not so good for driving. Wayne has been extra wonderful. He's treated me like a porcelain doll and taken such good care of me. He's been working from home just in case I need him. I am so thankful for the flexibility our jobs allow us. So thankful that the Forest Service knows what is important; it's family. Family comes first. Now we're just waiting to hear from the Movement Disorder Clinic in Salt Lake and if we don't hear from them soon we're going to find some other doctors that know something. So for now my hiking and skiing days are on hold until we can get some answers. This "whatever it is" has really wiped me out. It's been an eye opener for sure, but I know I'm going to be okay. I've got Wayne, my faith and a great support network. We'll get to the bottom of it, I don't know when, but we will.

I know this is a long, and I apologize. We've just had a busy year as you can tell. I hope that you and your families have a WONDERFUL Christmas and a great New Year wherever you are! Come visit us if you're ever in the Bear Lake area! :) Sending love and hugs your way! - Cheryl, Wayne, Joe, Jesse and Justin Beck