A new door opening

I received a call last Tuesday while I was in Missoula, MT for a work meeting. It was from the National Institute of Health asking if I would still like to participate in their Movement Disorder study.  I was floored.  I had all but given up hope that they'd call. I mean, it's been like five months since the neurologist submitted my name for the study... They wanted me to come May 12th, just 13 days away at the time.  I couldn't believe it...could I make it work? Could Wayne come with me? What were they going to do? Would this help? So many questions...

After a quick call to Wayne I told them that I was available. They asked if I wanted anyone to come with me. Of course I said my husband, please! We fly out this Sunday and will back Tuesday.  Whirlwind trip, for certain.  I admit I am scared to death.  Wayne summed it up best... he'd rather be dropped off in the wilderness with just the clothes on his back then go back East. I totally agree. I just keep telling myself it's going to be an adventure. :)

I was just excited I was "normal" enough to drive myself to Missoula last week!  Now this??! It has been a long time since I drove myself anywhere that sort of distance. I was really worried, but I did fine and didn't seem to have any problems.  I was a bit twitchy in the afternoons and evenings while I was there, but I think I hid it well from my coworkers. All in all my trip last week gave me confidence that I can do it.  I will admit that I was pretty dang worn out when I got back home on Friday night.  I'm sure I over-did it....ok, I KNOW I did. :)   

Now I get to fly somewhere I've never been. SO thankful I won't be alone. I don't think I could do it otherwise. I told Wayne what if they decide I don't fit their requirements for their study? I would feel so guilty having NIH invest in airline and hotel accommodations and not be able to help them.  Wayne, of course, had the perfect reply..."It's science. You're part of a random sample. That's just how science works."  Leave it to my left brain.  :)  

Well, whatever they find I hope it helps....not only me but also helps others that are going through this bizarre disorder.  I'm not sure if they're going to do an MRI with their fancy MRI machine that looks at the functional areas or what.  Guess that's part of the adventure.
I'll try and keep up with the haps over the next couple days on my blog. 
Stay tuned!  :)

Mountains to climb

It's been almost three months to the day since I had that migraine that changed my life. I can't believe it's been that long already. Am I better? No, not exactly.  But I am better than I was. I've learned to take each day as it comes. Some days are better than others, no doubt, but I keep going forward. 

I've learned that you have to keep looking up.....it's got me thinking alot about backpacking lately.

Last summer we hiked into a place called Elbow Lake in the Wind River Range in Wyoming.  It was about 8 - 9 miles from where we had our base camp.  We decided we would do a day hike there and go fishing. It would be a tough and long pull to get there and back in one day, but we decided to go for it. I can't recall what the elevation climb was, but I think the lake was just under 11k. 

Anyway, it was a beautiful hike. There were times when the trail would go up and up in what seemed like forever then it would drop down into a valley only to follow another upward climb. Yeah, it was disheartening at times. The kids felt we'd never get there. And that when and if we did it would be too late to turn back. We'd be stranded for the night.  I kept my eye on the prize. I tried not to focus on the fact that we just climbed a hill only to climb yet another... I kept focused on my destination.

So, I'm sure you're wondering where I'm going with this.... I've been thinking that life is kind of like that. Especially with the challenges that I've been given at the moment. If I focus on each day, yeah, some days are not so great...I'm tired with no energy; I have no strength, I can't walk without shuffling or dragging my right foot...my mouth is in a permanent frown or is stuck wide open..... Or I can't stop tensing every muscle in my body. Those days are my valleys. Those days are when I feel like I can't possibly get through this. BUT if I look up, I can see that mountain that I'm climbing. I can see where I want to be, where I NEED to be. And then I look behind me. I realize how far I have come. How much I have improved.  Look at what I've gone through. I'm not near as bad as I was in November.  I'm getting better. Yeah, there are days like today where I feel like I am taking a step backward and I'm sure there will be more.... but the overall trend is upward. I am climbing that mountain and I AM going to to continue to climb and reach that summit.

I just need to look at the big picture. There is an amazing song by Hilary Weeks called Beautiful Heartbeak. It is one of my favorites. The lyrics have touched me and have helped me to realize how blessed I am. How our trials help us to grow and become stronger.  Here are the lyrics:

I had it all mapped out in front of me,
Knew just where I wanted to go;
But life decided to change my plans,
And I found a mountain in the middle of my road. 

I knew there was no way over it,
So I searched for a way around;
Brokenhearted I started climbin',
And at the top I found... 

Every fear, every doubt,
All the pain I went through;
Was the price that I paid to see this view;
 And now that I'm here I would never trade... 

The grace that I feel,
 And the faith that I find;
 Through the bitter-sweet tears,
 And the sleepless nights;
I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak. 

I never dreamed my heart would make it,
I thought about turning around;
But heaven has shown me miracles,
I never would have seen from the ground. 

Now I take the rain with the sunshine,
Cause there's one thing that I know;
He picks up the pieces,
Along each broken road. 

Every fear, every doubt,
All the pain I went through;
Was the price that I paid to see this view;
 And now that I'm here I would never trade... 

The grace that I feel,
 And the faith that I find;
 Through the bitter-sweet tears,
 And the sleepless nights;
I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak. 

This "mountain" in my life has given me a much better view of the world. Of what is important,  of what truly matters. I have been so blessed. This ain't no big deal. I'm going to be just fine no matter what comes my way. I'm on the up and up and when I get to the top it is going to be absolutely amazing.